The Mindset of Movement

Somewhere between then and now, I began to heal from the detriment of unhealthy habits.

For months-- no, scratch that. For years, I have struggled with body image. I’ve struggled a lot with my physical and mental health surrounding appearance, food-- that kind of stuff. But the issue with these sorts of struggles is that it never really goes away. There will always be that little voice in the back of your mind crying for you to give in to intrusive thoughts, which makes it that much harder to be released from the toxic grasp of that mindset.

The point of me bringing all this up though, is to emphasize the growth and the changes that I’ve endured from then to now. I’m definitely not one to be dishing out advice about how to recover from an eating disorder, or how to repair a damaged relationship with food, but I am definitely one to share my own experiences. I say this because I know so many people struggle with these same problems I did, (and still do), and having a real, raw perspective on sensitive topics could help someone more than possibly imaginable.

Anyways, what I’m trying to say is that somewhere between the silent suffering, I began my journey to heal. Not just in terms of how I choose to see and treat my body, but how I think, how I choose to react to things, and my overall mindset.

It’s important to note though, I’m not fully healed, not even close. I don’t think anyone is ever fully healed; but constantly evolving, recovering, and changing.

Somewhere then I used to see working out as a form of punishment. Moving my body wasn’t something fun, it was to reprimand laziness. That mindset would always, always result in exhaustion and burnout. And eventually, the same cycle would repeat itself.

For some reason, it felt impossible to break this cycle. It went on for a few years, along with other unhealthy habits. Every once in a while though, I would manage to keep it going long enough to feel a real change, a slight shift in mindset, a spark of happiness-- but it never fully stuck.

The reason I realize this now is because of my mindset. Doing it as a chore, rather than an activity, something to look forward to, something to enjoy. I never, ever in a million years thought I would ever even remotely look forward to working out. It was never something I did to make myself happy or to feel stronger, it was to cancel out guilt, to unconsciously feed into that toxic mindset. I also never fully understood that it wasn't me that was the problem. I wasn’t “too weak” or “too lazy”, I was just held back by mentality.

I can’t necessarily say how I began to heal my mindset, or how I started to introduce more healthy habits into my life, but as my mindset began to mellow into something a little more healthy, working out began to feel less dreadful. I’m definitely not someone to say, “Wow I just love to work out it’s my favorite thing ever” because that would be lying. Some days I don’t want to move my body at all, I want to lay in my bed and watch my favorite show, and sleep for hours. And that's completely normal, you don’t need to workout every day, in fact, your body needs rest.

Somewhere then I wouldn’t let myself take breaks. If I took a break that would be lazy, and once I did give my body rest, it felt impossible to ever workout again. It was all or nothing.

Somewhere between then and now, I’ve learned that a healthy lifestyle isn't about extremes, it's about overall consistency and moderation. Staying in the routine, giving your body rest regularly, and eating foods that are good for the body as well as foods that are good for the soul. That is my definition of a healthy lifestyle.

Somewhere between then and now, I learned to move my body for my mind and my health. I learned I don’t have to move my body to earn food, food never has to be earned. I learned how to stay consistent, and how to recognize when I’m getting in the way my own of success. I learned that appearance is not a reflection of health.

Somewhere between then and now, I started to learn how to love myself.