Life According to Lists

By Chloe Thompson

I love to make lists. I measure my life in checkboxes and to-dos, writing out each minute task until I can depict exactly what I need to get done. I make sure to get it all down; from writing a thesis to even picking out my outfit for school the next day. Whatever needs doing that requires any substantial amount of thought or effort, it’s probably on the list.

Making lists seems like a completely normal human habit, right? In fact, one could even say lists are beneficial. To-do’s are a wonderful strategy for productivity, their straightforward nature and directness are perfect for the average procrastinator. You can find most people utilizing this strategy to help them stay on track during a stressful week at work or for upcoming schoolwork. But when do they get excessive? Can you even critique an excess of something if that something is considered “good”?

I’ve never second-guessed my reliance on lists before, but recently my compulsive reach for the “Notes” app has ignited a sense of incompetence. I’m not sure why I do this to myself, but I like to write everything down before it disintegrates from my brain into the unknown. Maybe it’s that I actually am incompetent at getting things done unless it’s listed out for me. Or maybe it's because I feel a sense of worth knowing I have tangible proof that something did get done that day. Whatever the cause may be, I’m slowly finding every part of being seep from myself into the tiny unchecked boxes that sit before me.

Now, it’s not like this compulsive behavior came out of nowhere. I am a visual learner anyhow. Graphs, pictures, and visuals fuel my ability to learn and understand things, and lists extend another helping hand. The ability to visualize my workload helps me get tasks done, and checking them off adds an extra layer of motivation to the mix.

Even with the reason and motive behind my actions, I still don’t like it. Why should such a complex being allow themselves to measure their success through a series of blunt tasks and lists? How could one possibly find such worth within the confines of the “Notes” app? The answer: I don’t particularly know, and I don't know if I ever will. What I do know is this: I’m a teenage girl. One with hopes and dreams and so much planned for the future but nothing all at once. I could talk for hours about how I strive to one day be in luxury retail marketing or even a journalist for Vogue, but if you ask me how to achieve those goals, I’ll stare at you with wide eyes and maybe even a tinge of confusion.

I don’t know how to get to where I one day want to be, and sometimes I don’t even know where I’m going. So I list. I list and dump every ounce of what I do know onto a blank note on my phone and hope that one day I can check them off and then add some more. I always want to check off every box, yet I fear the day I have no more boxes to check off. So I write, and I list, and I check. Hopefully, when the day comes to check off my final box, I’ll have the ability to open up a new note and start all over again. So until then, I’ll keep dreaming, keep listing, and hopefully keep doing.